Okay. This is a LOADED topic.
Let’s say you have an aunt who is a florist. And she would LOVE to do your flowers for your wedding. Even though she lives out-of-town/state. She knows where to get flowers, she’ll bring her tools, and all you have to do is pay for the flowers (or maybe she’ll pay for them as part of her gift to you). She’s even asked for inspiration photos which you have gladly given her. Very specific I want this inspiration photos. So what could go wrong?
Well. A lot as it turns out. This happened to a bride of mine and it put me in a very sticky situation. When the bouquets arrived, I knew they were not what she wanted – I’d seen the photos. And then the centerpieces. Not only was the style of the centerpieces completely wrong, but the COLORS were completely wrong. And this was the primary way the bride was bringing color into her wedding.
Under normal circumstances I would have demanded the florist correct the issues. But this florist was related to my bride. How do I remedy this situation without hurting feelings? Ultimately I decided to show the bride the centerpieces, I offered to correct them as best I could even though the colors would still be off, and then I left it up to her. She asked that we do what we could to match her original vision so my assistant and I worked our magic. I am not a florist but I was pleased with what we did. And my bride was too. Her aunt? Not so much.
Another bride had a cousin who is a professional DJ. Pardon me, “professional”. He didn’t make any announcements, couldn’t find the music for the introductions, and was surly (at best) most of the evening. I will say the guests did dance a lot so he wasn’t all bad. But the evening started off rocky thanks in part to him.
This kind of thing happens a lot. My friend is a photographer/hair dresser/make-up artist and is giving me a great deal. How can I refuse such a generous offer? Think about this: can your friendship/relationship survive if their performance does not live up to your expectations? Will you be heartbroken if your flowers are wrong? Or if your pictures are terrible? What if she applies your make-up a little too heavy – you don’t have time to wash it off and re-do. Are you going to be okay with that?
Just about the only aspect of your wedding that I recommend “hiring” a family member for is officiating the ceremony. Having your grandfather or best friend join the two of you can make the moment that much more special. But I would definitely want final script approval!
When my friend Magan got married I helped her a lot with the planning process but we both knew I would not be her coordinator on her wedding day. I passed the reigns to another.
Because on that day, I was standing up with her as a part of her wedding party. I didn’t want to be worrying about the details either.